Don’t worry. I’m not talking about hard drugs. Just cannabis edibles. I just realized that I enjoy hanging with my elderly mom and doing things for her way more when I am under the influence of a little cannabis. Like today, for instance, I finished up on the excavator and headed over to her place with some special shoes I had purchased for her online. They are the Skechers that are easy to slip on her feet. What an awesome idea! Shoes made specifically for slipping into them.
Or maybe I was more relaxed because I knew I could take my time and I didn’t have to worry about rushing home to my husband, daughter and crazy dog.
It’s funny how up until my 18 year old son graduated from high school, he was my biggest concern. Pushing him to study, to do homework, making sure both kids weren’t home alone together because they would argue and fight. Making sure I was always in the same room as both of them because something bad would almost always happen. My son would want my daughter to play video games with him. She would say no, he would call her a fu$&ing bitch. Then she would get mad at him and he would escalate, things might get thrown, items might get damaged, and usually there would be tears.
Now, he seems to have matured (knock on wood) and I can enjoy him more. But also now, my daughter seems way more needy. So sensitive and lashing out. In a bad mood, always has a headache when I’m trying to help her with homework. But finally she has agreed to see a psychologist. A private one who costs $175 per hour. But after the second session, she said she really learned something. It’s where when you are about to freak out, cry or have a panic attack, you look around and name 5 things you can see. Then 5 things you can feel. Etc. And she actually used this at one of her last hockey games when she was about to cry. And it worked for her.
She had gone to a few social workers and psychologists through public mental health a few years back but didn’t connect with them. There was no change in anything after months of appointments. I actually found this private psychologist through the private psychologist we found for my son. He had been going to the same public mental health social worker for almost 2 years, with no improvement at all. And I was relieved when he finally admitted that my son’s issues were beyond his scope of practice. I did research and found this guy online. Again we had to pay out of pocket but we were fortunate to be able to afford it (while adjusting our budget) and you can’t really put a price on mental health. After a handful of appointments with this guy, my son came out of the appointment and hugged me and thanked me for finding this psychologist. He told me that he had cried and hugged this guy and thanked him because he was actually able to admit that he was in the wrong about a number of things.
I must go eat dinner and make my “to do” list for tomorrow.
Tag: writing
My, how things can change in just a week
Just last weekend I was in the bathroom of a hotel, standing by the sink and eating a Flaky (awesome pastry you can buy in a box of 6 or individually at most any gas station around here) in the dark, trying not to make too much noise. Yup. Sounds crazy. I’ll give you the backstory.
I have a hard time sleeping due to anxiety and back pain. I use cannabis edibles to help me to relax, sleep and to ease the pain. But I am usually still up late. This is my time. My “me” time when everyone else is asleep and no one is asking me to do something for them. The edibles usually take about an hour and a half to work.
So last weekend, my daughter had a hockey tournament about 4 hours away. So she gets tired earlier than I do, especially when she plays hockey. And we had an early morning game the next day. So my daughter is asleep around 10:30 pm and I get the munchies. So I have to sneak around the room in the dark to find my Flaky, and then go into the bathroom to eat it so I wouldn’t wake her up. But the hotel bathroom had a light in it that was operated by the same switch as a very loud bathroom fan. So if I turned on the light, the loud fan would come on and wake my daughter. Oh the things we do for our kids.
But this weekend, my husband and daughter are away playing hockey about 4 hours away. So I am home alone with my son. Well it was such a relaxing day. And productive as well. I did laundry. I picked up dog poop in our backyard. I brought in firewood. I cleaned the kitchen. And my son taught me how to use our little excavator so that the two of us could work together to create better ditching so that water wouldn’t run down our driveway, creating a muddy mess, and then freeze, creating a dangerous situation. I know that may not sound relaxing to most of you. But when you can do it at your leisure and you are not getting interrupted by a needy 18 month old puppy, a needy daughter and a needy husband.
I don’t even know if I’m doing this blog correctly. But hopefully I can give something to people with my writing. And if I haven’t mentioned it before, I have ADD and my husband and children all have ADHD. So you will see me sometimes going off on a tangent when I originally sat down to write about something totally different
My thoughts for the day
I am a 57 year old white married female with two kids, a girl, 16, and a boy, 18, 2 dogs and a husband. We all have either ADHD or ADD.
Today is day 2 of my throbbing migraine. I actually haven’t had one in maybe 10 years. I’ve been trying to become more organized and efficient. I am trying to put all appointments, kids hockey practices, games and events into my iPhone. Before this, I was using an old fashioned coil bound paper daily calendar along with a massive 2×3 foot undated paper calendar pad which hangs in my kitchen fridge with 5 magnetic clips. It can’t be 4 clips because the 20 or so pieces of paper would drag the clips down.
But I digress.
I looked at my digital calendar on my iPhone and see that there are only 2 days in November where there are no appointments, due dates or special events.
My migraine is affecting my vision. It is throbbing at my right temple. Where sometimes I see flashes of light or bars of light, I now see only grey or blurred shapes out of the outer half of my right eye.
I have been using heat, stretches and massage in my neck to try to help with the pain I have there. I can’t take any more basic drugstore pain pills. I took part of a strawberry cannabis chew around noon. After I had dropped off my daughter at school and gotten groceries.
I started to feel the effects of the cannabis after about an hour or so. My head was still throbbing, but it wasn’t quite so intolerable. I had wonderful conversations with myself and my imagination ran wild. Then my phone vibrated. Then it vibrated another time. Then a third time. It was my daughter. It was 3:05 and she was asking me to make her Kraft dinner.
I got off the bed and dragged myself to the kitchen. Both sides of the sink are full of dirty dishes. As is the counter. Mind you the counter is only about 4 feet long because there is a ridiculously tiny kitchen in this house where 5 of us live. I hadn’t mentioned that we also look after my 35 year old special needs nephew. Have been for the past 11 years.
His mother, my older sister, is a recovering drug addict. So he used to live about an 18 hour drive away from me. With his paternal grandmother for the last month. One day I get a phone call from my nephew. He said “I’m here”. I said “where?” He said “at the train station”. I said “what train station?” Well it happened to be the train station downtown from me. Hi grandmother had bought him a one way ticket to my city.
We picked him up and moved him into our house. Poor boy. He hadn’t seen a dentist in years. When I took him to his first appointment, the dentist told us that he had 9 cavities. I took him to the doctor because he had a plantar wart on the bottom of his foot that was an inch and a half in diameter. We had him assessed and we were told that he operates at an 8 year old’s level and that he would never be able to live independently.
So back to my migraine, I went to the kitchen to make my daughter some KD. But there were dirty dishes everywhere. So I filled the dishwasher as I made the KD, so that I could set a strainer in the sink.
I began to think. I am probably like so many of you mothers. Schedule up the ying yang, no time to look after yourselves, never really able to rest or relax. Even when you are sick or in pain, you are there for your families. You put your children, your elderly mother, your scattered husband, everything, ahead of your own needs.
This is sad but it needs to be said. Right now I have a dream. The dream is that I still have a migraine but it’s a Friday morning. My son is visiting his friends in the city. The dogs and I have gone for a wonderful hike. I feel good. The dogs are exhausted. My daughter is in school and then going to a friend’s place right after that and staying the night. My husband is in the city visiting his parents. My upstairs tenants have gone away for a long weekend and they have taken their noisy dog and crazy cat along. And most importantly – I am left with no car.
All that I am able to do is relax, rest, take some strawberry or maybe mixed berry cannabis chews. Then I can put my little ear phones in. I am not even sure if that is even the right thing to call them nowadays.
Oh tenant above me. Please stop walking across the room with boots on. The thudding sounds like it’s going to come through the ceiling.
So then I put on some dance tunes and tidy the kitchen. But then no more work. I can’t get anywhere to help anyone or chauffeur kids around. I have a horrible migraine so it’s sort of ok for me to sound like I’m out of it.
But now I really have to rest. Until my next inspiration.
Today is day 2 of my throbbing migraine. I actually haven’t had one in maybe 10 years. I’ve been trying to become more organized and efficient. I am trying to put all appointments, kids hockey practices, games and events into my iPhone. Before this, I was using an old fashioned coil bound paper daily calendar along with a massive 2×3 foot undated paper calendar pad which hangs in my kitchen fridge with 5 magnetic clips. It can’t be 4 clips because the 20 or so pieces of paper would drag the clips down.
But I digress.
I looked at my digital calendar on my iPhone and see that there are only 2 days in November where there are no appointments, due dates or special events.
My migraine is affecting my vision. It is throbbing at my right temple. Where sometimes I see flashes of light or bars of light, I now see only grey or blurred shapes out of the outer half of my right eye.
I have been using heat, stretches and massage in my neck to try to help with the pain I have there. I can’t take any more basic drugstore pain pills. I took part of a strawberry cannabis chew around noon. After I had dropped off my daughter at school and gotten groceries.
I started to feel the effects of the cannabis after about an hour or so. My head was still throbbing, but it wasn’t quite so intolerable. I had wonderful conversations with myself and my imagination ran wild. Then my phone vibrated. Then it vibrated another time. Then a third time. It was my daughter. It was 3:05 and she was asking me to make her Kraft dinner.
I got off the bed and dragged myself to the kitchen. Both sides of the sink are full of dirty dishes. As is the counter. Mind you the counter is only about 4 feet long because there is a ridiculously tiny kitchen in this house where 5 of us live. I hadn’t mentioned that we also look after my 35 year old special needs nephew. Have been for the past 11 years.
His mother, my older sister, is a recovering drug addict. So he used to live about an 18 hour drive away from me. With his paternal grandmother for the last month. One day I get a phone call from my nephew. He said “I’m here”. I said “where?” He said “at the train station”. I said “what train station?” Well it happened to be the train station downtown from me. Hi grandmother had bought him a one way ticket to my city.
We picked him up and moved him into our house. Poor boy. He hadn’t seen a dentist in years. When I took him to his first appointment, the dentist told us that he had 9 cavities. I took him to the doctor because he had a plantar wart on the bottom of his foot that was an inch and a half in diameter. We had him assessed and we were told that he operates at an 8 year old’s level and that he would never be able to live independently.
So back to my migraine, I went to the kitchen to make my daughter some KD. But there were dirty dishes everywhere. So I filled the dishwasher as I made the KD, so that I could set a strainer in the sink.
I began to think. I am probably like so many of you mothers. Schedule up the ying yang, no time to look after yourselves, never really able to rest or relax. Even when you are sick or in pain, you are there for your families. You put your children, your elderly mother, your scattered husband, everything, ahead of your own needs.
This is sad but it needs to be said. Right now I have a dream. The dream is that I still have a migraine but it’s a Friday morning. My son is visiting his friends in the city. The dogs and I have gone for a wonderful hike. I feel good. The dogs are exhausted. My daughter is in school and then going to a friend’s place right after that and staying the night. My husband is in the city visiting his parents. My upstairs tenants have gone away for a long weekend and they have taken their noisy dog and crazy cat along. And most importantly – I am left with no car.
All that I am able to do is relax, rest, take some strawberry or maybe mixed berry cannabis chews. Then I can put my little ear phones in. I am not even sure if that is even the right thing to call them nowadays.
Oh tenant above me. Please stop walking across the room with boots on. The thudding sounds like it’s going to come through the ceiling.
So then I put on some dance tunes and tidy the kitchen. But then no more work. I can’t get anywhere to help anyone or chauffeur kids around. I have a horrible migraine so it’s sort of ok for me to sound like I’m out of it.
But now I really have to rest. Until my next inspiration.
Mommy of Dragons 